I can't love him

"I can't love him"
That , was his name in my contact when we broke up previously.
I've just came back from visiting cousin, and seeing her being well and having things under controlled really makes me very heartening
When I visited her , me and cousin Jocelyn (aka hui qing's sis ) talked. She knew about my struggles and talked to me about it .I broke down a lil and it made me feel better .
Thought about him , about us and I can't tell you how much it hurts . He wants to start his life again and doesn't want me back . I know , typing this really hurts me…
I know I know I know, the fucking truth is right in front of me but I choose to blind my eyes
I know what he wants and it ain't me , I know but I just can't let it go ...
It hurts but you know what ? I won't pester him anymore, I'll let him free just like how he gave me my freedom. It's fine , I'll be fine eventually..
But don't get me wrong, I will never ever stop loving him or get over him , simply because I can't and I don't want to . I'm sorry I know that this decision is bad and that it ain't worthy but
I don't even know what's worthy anymore
Worth ? Hahaha it doesn't exist . The painful truth that nothing is worth in this world and you gotta swallow it down . I want him to live a great life ,to fill his dreams and not be tied down to me because at least he is happier . Dont get me wrong , he ain't happy , but at the very least he ain't sad . His happier , so will I . He won't be happy because there's still 101 things making him sad in this world but without me - his happier .
Just like why he let me go so that I'll be "happy"
It's wrong, letting go isn't giving happiness, its a misconception ,a wrong mentality.
If letting go is happiness so is holding on pain? Nope ,you're wrong . Letting go is pain and holding on is happiness , trust me . Theres nothing happy letting go , its weak . Why would you want to let go of something you've held on for so long ? Coz you're a failure?  Don't be a failure really. 
Im a failure I know that but please don't end up being one. Guys please don't let go , hold on to your princess because at the end of the day you know - that she will always appear in your mind right before you head to bed . You know its her so why avoid it and lie to yourself, don't.

"What comes easy doesn't last , and what last won't come easy "

maybe its time to be true to yourself