Indecisive

Hey guys
Feeling like shit today . Just took panaldo coz my tummy was aching badly and im feeling feverish. well put those aside , im just gonna blog because I really can't sleep and I have no one to talk to and my feelings is erupting like a volcano.
Don't understand what's wrong with me really, I can't let go and neither can I go back . I'm just stuck in the middle feeling all fucked and shit . I've always tell myself that a relationship wont kill me nor will I feel anything after a break up. Guess I've lied to myself. Its been only 2/3 days after the break up and right now I don't know how did I managed to make it through the entire day . Really the time gets slower and each hour feels like forever. Tried to make use of the slow time and study but I can't. I fucking can't. I can't foucs and my mind kept linger back to him..
Really don't know how to go on .. Today he texted me to eat well and I literally just broke down . Can't hold in this emotions and I can't tell myself not to love him. I kept telling myself "Zi don't love him , I shouldn't care all .." but guess what , not only did I cared , I ended up getting worried and the anxiety inside me rose. Don't know what I should do and I have no idea that this relationship was going to be so impactful. All the while I have prepared myself to not love too hard but I failed again . I got carried away in the thick affection of love and I got addicted, leaving me unable to live without it. Gosh xingzi get a hold of yourself.. What is going on really ..
"YOU CAN'T HAVE THE CAKE AND EAT IT TOO"
This quote really sums up my entire problem and that's to pick one…
Really wish I can have a solution for this before I honestly loose myself...
My life is a struggle..
Goodbye.