Neglect

Right now I'm on the bus all alone , crying. Please don't judge me crying in public because I really hate it too . I just can't control my tears anymore…
Today after ASP I received a piece of dreadful news - My cousin , huiqing , is going be be admitted to the hospital for 2 weeks due to low heartbeat .

And I'm really really really afraid of missing another loved one

Ever since young, me and huiqing was always together and she was my competitor . No matter what we will always be comparing each other because her mum always like comparing both of us . I resented the lifelong competition and I really really hated her for a period in my life simply because she was always my enemy .
Since this year I have distanced myself away from my cousin because I was too occupied with my life. Right now upon hearing such a tragic news , I can't help but feel afraid and lonely.
All the time whenever its my birthday she will always write me a birthday card with a note "you're my best cousin on earth" inside . This year she got me a starbuck drink and said " this perhaps would be my last present to you … "
I never put her words to my heart because I thought she was just over reacting and that everything will be fine , but now everything's crumbling.
Fear grip my heart and I'm afraid another person will leave me ...
Please don't leave , don't leave me alone