So I've really been feeling like shit lately , and I just want to let out everything like just scream and smash things like crazy . So sick and tired of bottling up my feelings already. Like why do I even deserve this really. I have changed so much from a totally worthless student to what I am right now ,but why can't you just appreciate me more? Why can't you just understand me a little more and care for me?
What's the use of achieving great results when nobody honestly give a fuck? Would you care? No. So what if I manage to get great O levels result next year? Would you care if I get into ITE, Poly or even JC? Hah I don't think so.
Really don't feel like giving a fuck anymore, why do I care? Why do I hurt my health and stay up all night just to study? Nobody care and Im done being the one getting hurt at the end. So FUCK YOU, YES YOU MOTHERFUCKER PIECE OF SHIT WORTHLESS CUNT THAT DON'T DESERVE MY TEARS AND HARDWORK. (sorry for being so mean and bitchy but PHEW that feels so good) I swear if The Purge is legalize in singapore, I would have stab you 27 times and throw your body into a zombie apocalypes but even the zombie would reject your body because they only eat brains and apparently you do not have one.
Feels so good after blogging like this I swear omg I'm going to start doing this often hahahahahha anyways done for being sad I mean being sad when Christmas is around the corner is illegal ok! ILLEGAL. but anyways I feel so fucking much better now and im just ranting and no one probably reads or give a fuck but whatever.
Anyway this quote is really meaningful for me ,and it says alot. 5 simple words literally summarized my entire idea for solitude . Just remember being alone is far better than being with a bunch of ungrateful and worthless fuckers .
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Hey dudes and dudettes
So after an emotional and retarded blogpost I decided to blog about someone who is close to me, who has been there ever since I was born and put up with me all these years. Nope its not my parents but they are definitely considered my family, they are my friends with blood relationship - My cousins. Well ofcourse there's 2 sides of couzins , the father side and mother side, and I'm talking about my mother's side cousins so please don't get mixed up ❤
Since my mum has a lot of siblings, I had A LOT of cousins, but these are the one who are super close to me. 9 of them Jocelyn, Hui Qing, Zhi Xiang, Zhi Kai,Florence, Valerie, Bai Lin, Bai Wen, Bai Chen (phew that was long) were my closest buds buds ever since I was small and tiny. We would play together all day long and those were really the happiest time in my life where I did not have to worry about any shit at all, also I was really spoilt when I was young so they really put up with me alot. The closest I am with is definitely Hui Qing simply because we were the same age and we do everything together which also is bad because we were always competing against each other to see who did better and stuff. Also I always fight with her therefore we were always covered in bruises and marks. Ofcourse time flies and everything change Jocelyn has to study hard for university,Florence and Valerie (sisters) are both working as nurse, Hui Qing studying at another school, Zhi Xiang and Zhi Kai studying ,and very sadly Bai Lin Bai Wen and Bai Chen has been very very distant from us because of reasons. And I'm just alone here struggling. To be honest, I really want those memories back, I want to go back to the days where I can play all day and not worry about anything. I'm childish I know and I am aware that it is impossible to go back to the past, everyone is growing up so quickly and here I am still trap in the memories . But I'm just really really lost about everything when everyone else are striving to reach their goals. Some are studying hard to achieve the certificate, some are working day to night to earn money for the family ,some are striving hard for better results. Then what about me? What am I going to do after O levels, after I graduate? Do I want to go ITE, Poly or even JC? What do I want to be when I grow up? What's my goal? Where's my dream ?I have no fucking idea.
Anyways this blogpost is dedicated to my couzins , for giving me an amazing childhood ,and adding colours to my life. Sorry if my bitchy-ness has ever made you want to stab me in the face or stuff your fist down my throat and shit , I am still grateful to have each and everyone of you in my life and I love you all ❤
Friday, December 13, 2013
Hey my beautiful darlings,
So I'm back with another blogpost but yes looking at the blog tittle, this post is gonna be a little tiny bit of emotional so yea you've been warned.
Alright so ever since I was young, my sleeping time has been pretty screwd and I sleep way later than usual kids do I guess. But since the holidays have started,my sleeping time has gone from bad to worst. During EOY I had forced my body to be energized 24/7 so I could use my sleeping time to study and not waste any precious moment at all. But since then, my body has not been able to sleep well at night yet I sleep like a pig till around afternoon. So everyday it's the same for me, waking up at the afternoon and dying to sleep at night but fails. So what I'm doing at night? NOTHING, NO SHIT. I mean sometimes maybe a check through twitter, or an occasional youtube video,but other than that there's really nothing much. Im really tired of this daily routine. I hate it when I toss and turn in my bed many times and there's wild stuff going through my head. Everyday seems the same, I have lived the same day over and over again. Sitting on my bed, I witness sunrise every morning alone, and the more days past the lonelier and fucked up I feel. I want to give up, everything seems meaningless and miserable,there's no reason to continue.
Yea I don't know, thats how I feel I'm weird whatever. This is just a boring post and you probably don't give a fuck, alright bye.