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Hey there it's Luna
Well, this is a dark dairy of mine where I pour out my feelings into every word. It's a strange blog but it's probably the best way to convey my feelings without being hurt.
I hope you don't find them too weird and with that, I wish you a fun time reading...

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Wednesday, October 22, 2014


I'm tired 
Done being myself , I'm changing into a demon I swore never to become . What's wrong ? Why do I do this ? I have no idea .. 
This is tiring , living gets tiring I'm so done . Some things on earth are probably not meant to have a happy ending , but an understanding . Zi's fine she's living everyday with crazy people pushing her to the demon . I can't lie , I like it too . It's a kind of thrill I never felt before and I love it . Living everyday like a alcoholic committing crime for some shots - we are all criminals .

Put that feeling away and waste the purely inspirit love while the crazy bitch conceals her pain . She drowns her sorrow with another shot , while the demons tempt her with another memory . She learnt that everyone is going to be brutal in her life and she has to be a hard steel . Conceal away that scar with a beautiful smile , while she turn her tears into another wine . The cold hard guns matches with the metal bullets fired to her heart . The bullets are still stuck inside but the soul has been engulf by the demon . This escape may eventually run out , but till then let me enjoy to the fullest . 
Done with the days dying on bed or crying at the corner , it's time for wild . Who turned her into this monster ? Nobody . Hard feelings are torturous souls that never made it to the sun , and she is reaching for the star to drink the moon .
Love ? What is that . 
It died when he left ... 

Friday, October 17, 2014



傻傻地等待 希望你能够回来
这条路只有我一个人慢慢的走 慢慢地等 
我好累了 心好酸了 

告诉自己 别爱你 别想你 但心里的那份爱不能做到
被爱的滋味是什么 我也不知道 
自己心里在想什么 我也犹豫不决 
我爱错了什么 ? 为何老天需要惩罚我?

不管天长地久 我都会等下去 
“天下无难事 只怕有心人”
我会一直等 等到你回来 回到我心里

Monday, October 13, 2014

silent wishes

13 October 2014
Its Shawn's birthday . waited for the clock to strike 12AM and wished him happy birthday ...

Me: Heyy happy birthday ! Stay happy and all the best for next year
Him: Thank you xingzi hehe ! I will and you too
Me: Welly

I was really happy that he replied me instead of ignoring but I didnt continue any further ... feel so happy and contented that he actually did replied me , God I can't ask for more
I made friends with one of his close dudes just to get closer to Shawn , we were both helping each other because on one hand he update me with Shawn's life and in return I give him relationship advice and be his listening ear . Friends with benefit but not in the sexual way stop thinking wrong .

Through his help , I manage to buy Shawn a gift and he pass it to him . He told me that Shawn wanted to get a White Formal short sleeve shirt and we went to TopMan and bought one for him . Im truly truly happy , I can't ask for anything more . Even though Shawn doesn't know that the present was from me , I am really happy that he receive it and I hope he likes it . What can I ask for ? Nothing . Wanted to get him a Nike Roshe Run at first because both of us agreed on getting that together when we were together .. but its okay , I think he'll love this present better .

Shawn there's so much I want to tell you and no words can describe how much I love you , really . Thank you for spending my Birthday with me , 3 weeks ago while we were still somewhat together , I thought we could spend your birthday together but no you left me . So today , I can only silently wish for you here in my little blog , to convey my feelings to you and hoping a miracle to happen . Thank you for giving me a wonderful birthday , we went to the ZOO and you made me like Birthdays because I've always hated it since nobody celebrates it for me . Even though you said that you'll celebrate it for me every year but I know it won't happen anymore . Its okay , I hope you will enjoy your birthday and spend it well with laughter .. I really miss you so damn hard and I know maybe I don't show it anymore but you got to understand - That when I tell you I will be here waiting for you , I truly am waiting ...
Please don't say that in the end everybody leaves because no, I'm not and I won't .Its been a hell of a 3 months without you and I'm still here waiting , longing for your love . Everyday I pray that one day Lord will have mercy and let you come back to me but somehow it ain't working . Am I wrong ? What should I do ? So many questions in my brain left unanswered and I don't know how to live . Trying my best to stay high but the demons always hunt me in my head , I was wrong I was bad , and I need forgiveness so bad .
Happy Birthday Shawn , I really hope you'll get sick of your solitude life soon because I'll be here waiting , for you.
I will love you till the end of time - Lana Del Rey 

Sunday, October 5, 2014


It's been more than a week since Shawn left , again. Tried texting him last night but he didn't reply , I don't know what to feel anymore . Another girl he once mentioned to me is soon taking over my place and I can't tell you how much it hurts . I know, that I will get replaced and it's probably just a matter of time but really - I wished it never happened . Looking at how she's making him smile , brightening his day and how they enjoy time together is really a living torture for me to endure . But I'll still look anyway because I can't stop myself . 

I can't stop myself to check his last seen every minute just to see whether his been texting or not , I can't go twitter without typing his name at my search bar just to check out what's he doing , I can't stop myself from checking his Favourites because I just want to know what interest him and I always see things that hurt me and I'll continue scrolling anyway ... 

I just can't stop caring for him 

When I say that I love you , I really do mean it deep . My feelings were never fake and I'm really afraid to love because shit like this will happen . I will torture myself and go long miles for him just to care a little . It hurts , everyday and everything hurts , but what am I suppose to do ? My soul keeps wanting to leave but my heart keeps yearning for his return . I just gotta press on and stay 

Sometimes feelings like this , it just makes me feel like Air . Yeah Air , invisible but you know it's there . This Air here has been constantly staying and pouring out herself but nobody can see it . The air is everywhere surrounding us and you can't see it - but you know it's there . It exist and it is here . Do you know how it feels like ? 

Three months had passed since the day we've broke up , three months I had lived living like a soulless wind .