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Hey there it's Luna
Well, this is a dark dairy of mine where I pour out my feelings into every word. It's a strange blog but it's probably the best way to convey my feelings without being hurt.
I hope you don't find them too weird and with that, I wish you a fun time reading...

Instagram @wildestwolf
Twitter @wildest_wolf
Snapchat @wildest_wolf

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Dear future self,

Dear future self,

10 years down the road, I wish this little blog will be happier...

I wish you will come back and look at the crazy things that had happened in your life, which has made you successful today (maybe)

I wish that you were able to drift soundly to sleep without occurring nightmares in your head.

I wish the people that are with you now are the ones who said they will stand by you, 10 years ago.

I wish that you would forget every single mistake you made in life and stop blaming yourself.

I wish that no matter how much you regret, you can only continue to move forward in life and let it go.

I wish you would remember that mistake is inevitable but learning from it is exceptional.

I wish your eyes are no longer looking at the ugly corners of this world.

I wish that your inner demons left you.

I wish that people will truly understand that even if your blog is sad, you aren't necessary unhappy with yourself but simply the truth of being 2 soul in a vessel

Sometimes people come up to me, or even email me about how sad my blogpost are and how they wished they can be here for me ..

But honestly,

I didn't need anyone.

The very reason why I started blogging was because I am afraid of voicing out my thoughts.
I portray a happy self in this world but deep down I am a complete different soul.
Don't get me wrong though, Its fine. I just detest showing my vulnerable self to others thats all.
When people offer me to open up to them, I simply reject because I am afraid that they will judge me on my thoughts.
To me the best medication for my escape is writing and this little place here is my secret hideout.

Dear future self,

I wish that you are a truly happy person.

Wildest Wolf

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Broke down

Day 6 of holding up my tears.

Heard a sad song , and my mind went blank. 

"早知道是这样 像梦一场 

-If only I knew that we would end up this way ; just like a dream.
I would not have lock my tears in my eyes- 

Trembling hearts and burning tears.
Are far worse than the demons I fear.

Wildest wolf 


"I love you"

"I'll never hurt you"

"I'll never leave you"

"I'm fine..."

Silly lies that falls from our tongue,
just like flowers dying season.
To commit such sins,
because you couldn't come out with a reason.

I'm tired, tormented, soul burning to ash.
Not a single glimpse of life, just hoping for death.

Its not my fault that I'm not happy,
just happiness isn't knocking my door.
Putting on my best self,
slowly awaiting for devil's call.

So darling tell me
what are the dearest thing in your life?
And I will crush them to bones
just to see you cry.

I'm sorry Lucius,
that ain't happening tonight.
Nor the coming dawns,
because I simply can't live through daylight.

Is that the sun?
Or just another burning flame.
How long have I not seen hope,
before I take over the blame.

Now I have a question for you,
how does it feel?
To read a sinner's life,
because it ain't happening to you.

I'm tired of writing,
I'm sick of this mess.
It's like the words crying harder,
In a sinner's dent.

Why does happiness end?
As if it was a chapter.
I would burn this book now,
and stay here forever.

Soon this book you're reading will end,
I can't keep up.
I don't want to hurt myself,
or even corrupt.

Yet another day has passed,
thank God for the livings.
But for a little girl,
its just another heavy breathing.

Goodbye Lucius,
goodnight clouds.
Sweet dreams little one,
The Wolf is on her prowl.

Wildest wolf.

Monday, August 10, 2015


Tired is a sinner's game
To repent every mistake in life she made.

There was once a great friend of mine, came and told me how she read my blog post and told me words that caught me in a mind full of doubts.

"I can see from your eyes that you're not alright. But you push yourself and pretend that you arent with all the smiles and laughter from your face" 
"You don't have to stay so strong just let it out, you'll feel better.."

Strong ..? I'm strong ?

Well I tried to be one but I sure I'm nowhere close to the line.

If I'm strong , I would be bravely dealing with my problems and not hiding from them. 
These alcohols and drugs are the only things that is keeping me sane.

I know the numb is temporary but I am fearful to deal with pain. The feelings that are too raw , the heart that is too vulnerable. I just want to be left and die one day so problem will stop crushing in my head. 

I don't want to cry but the sadness is eating me up, if I let out my emotions I might not be able to pick myself up anymore. 


As I sit down on my bed , looking at the place you always slept.
Thinking about the great times we had , are all memories that we kept.

And I browse through my albums, with photos of us with smile.
Wondering how we ended up like this , maybe it was Time that wasn't well.

The rain is pouring out of my window,
Reminded the times we spend staying in bed cuddling.
Great times are saddening , 
My mind is slowly fading.

The misses from my heart can't be put into words, 
But what are words for if action can't be proven .

The things that I see , do not piece the puzzle.
Because if you love me you won't be flirting with others.

Holding on these tears , praying I'll not breakdown.
Is just another silly prayer from Heaven to 

A sinner may once be a saint
But the sinner's blood will always remain.

Wildest wolf

Saturday, August 8, 2015


Days has been flying past lately.

What's going on ?

I wake up to total lost, without a memory of how I ended my night.
These broken pieces on the floors are evidence that I'm a Sinner in life.

Dragging my lifeless body up seems tougher then I thought,
Remembering a memory before I totally forgot.

Looking at these clothes that do not belong to me,
How should I put them away or should I return back with ease?

Typing in my phone lock is sure an awful crime,
My stubborn fingers don't remember that you're no longer mine.
This password have to be taken over by digits with no memory,
Trying to tell myself you're no longer part of me.

I've not shed a drop of tears since you left,
I've not broke the news to neither of my friends.

For I know once I start its gonna be a misery end,
Maybe there is no end to this awful resent.

Sober , Alive and Crazy .
This 3 is driving me to insanity.

Just a liar of her feelings,
Concealing the truth to not feel shit things.

C'mon babe
Pick  yourself  up
Don't cry
It's  just  another  lie

I wanna be strong I wanna fight,
Yet I'm crashing with waves inside my mind.

Like an idiot to dwell on life like this,
With humans who don't fuck about what your feelings is.

I'm dead
Living in a corpse that's breathing

With a tiny little heart that keeps on
L y i n g

Wildest wolf

Friday, August 7, 2015


living with fear is a torture
but living with pain is insanity

i woke up
with blood covering my body
mirrors shattered on the ground
soul crawling over me

draged my aching legs
back to the starting line
tracing the blood
saying 'I'm fine...'

i woke up
to nothing in my brain
words that do not match
a language speaking pain

why do lovers
find hearts across stars
yet lay with souls
that are not their's

Love is pain
pain is worth
but is it worthy to love
when love is painful in return

pumping blood is the work
craving for affection is in the mind
don't get confused with organs
and make wrong turns in life

such fantasy within
a complicated insane mind
to love a person who don't
to give and not decline

is it true you found
another lover for the night
or are you just deprived
that she give you more than i might

how sad is it
to love someone who wouldn't
to stay when they don't
and cry when you shouldn't

i heard many lies
in this short life of mine
and crazily  found truths
behind these thoughtless lies

Am i crazy now ?
to think that I've lived enough
May morning dusk bring me light
and stop these endless road of rough

I'm done
say my mind to the heart

but only to realise
it is yet another start

I woke up

to truths in my eyes

with sins in my heart

but lies in my life

wildest wolf