so yea by reading the name of the post you would have probably have guessed , me and princesley broke up . and if you dun want to read any sad or emo post please feel free to stop reading this and click the red button on the top corner of your browser thank you .
ok so here we go , lately i have been quarreling quite a lot with him due to many reasons and last night was the biggest fight we ever had , or should i say biggest fight I ever had . . because to him , its just a small fight . nothing compared to his previous ones . but still i guess i was the whole cause of the fight because i have been doing things that he dislike which made him very pissed and moodless . because i was just not good enough for him as he could not take my childishness and my immaturity . sigh i still remember what xinern told me before ' Too much happiness brings tragedy .' which i totally agree to it . My previous post was about how happy i was with him , watching movies and taking 47 photos together , and right now i am typing the news that our relationship has broken into pieces and i was the one who got ditched , again . ironic isnt it ? to be honest , im am now blogging on my laptop with boxes of tissue beside me , and im preparing myself for my MT o levels next week which is bad as lately in class i have not been focusing well and everyday my mind is in a mess , why must eveything happen at this point of time ? why must we break up now when our monthsary is coming in 5 more days ? WHY ? i honestly don't know . while walking home just now i saw the bench we sat together and took photos last time , and my heart was tearing bit by bit . i walked to my lift and stood at the spot where you last hugged me and my heart teared again . last night while we were quarreling , you told me not to regret and immediately i knew i would . i would regret not being able to text you again , i would regret not calling you mine again , i would regret not being yours , i would regret not being able to do all the things we did together , i would regret doing all the things that you disliked that has landed us to this state , i would regret not changing for you , i would regret being immature and childish , i would regret . . . not being able to say I LOVE YOU anymore . holding up my tears right now just like what happened two years ago . why must i suffer in this again ? why must i be a fucking gemini and have the nature of talking to guys ? why must i disappoint you again and again ? why must i hurt you ? why do you want to give up on me ? WHY TELL ME WHY THE FUCK WHY . why am i such a bitch .
im terribly sorry for giving you empty promises , i am the worst person alive , really . Even though i asked him for another chance , but i know whats his answer was going to be . I am just a worthless little girl who do not deserve his love , i do not deserved being loved by anyone anymore . i do not deserve a second chance as i have taken him for granted and hurt him too much . i would let you go even though i never want to as i will cry every night for i had lost you , but i must not be selfish and hurt him any longer . even though he was the reason why i believed in love again after breaking up 2 years ago , it has once again proven that i do not deserve love . last night i read our messages over and over again even though it hurts but i still continued and i realised he said the same thing my ex said 2 years ago . coincidence ? i don't think so . im just not a person who would show you my affection even if i love you , my words and my action don't match and i am just a stupid flirt to you , and thats the nature of a gemini . Sometimes it hurts so much till the extend when I inflict pain on myself it does not even hurt anymore , all i feel was numbness . all my scars are open and i knew this would come one day , theres 99 reasons for you to leave and only reason for you to stay , why would you choose that one reason ? everyone is leaving away from my life no matter how hard i beg them to stay , but they still left . i should probably get used to it by now , my pathetic worthless life . because regrets and mistakes were the memories made . i honestly want to change but its too late now , everything is gone , all we had was over , its over between you and me now , i am your past . despite that short 25 days of relationship we had , i still wanna thank you for the love you have given me , i truly don't deserve your love and you deserve someone better . Even though we said and agreed to have a long relationship but i guess i have screwed everything up , perhaps its karma slapping me for all the things i have done , the fact that we cant last till a month has already shown how fragile our relationship is . other than that everything we had was a magical love to me but it is time for me to leave because it was not meant for me , im not good enough .
alright thats all for this post thankyou for those who had tried to cheer me up and all even though i refused to tell the reason of why i was feeling down , i just don't want people to know that my relationship has fallen again , and its all my fault . im a loser in studies , a loser in relationship , and a loser in life .
and with that
sayonara . . .
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Alone in this lonely world .