silent wishes

13 October 2014
Its Shawn's birthday . waited for the clock to strike 12AM and wished him happy birthday ...

Me: Heyy happy birthday ! Stay happy and all the best for next year
Him: Thank you xingzi hehe ! I will and you too
Me: Welly

I was really happy that he replied me instead of ignoring but I didnt continue any further ... feel so happy and contented that he actually did replied me , God I can't ask for more
I made friends with one of his close dudes just to get closer to Shawn , we were both helping each other because on one hand he update me with Shawn's life and in return I give him relationship advice and be his listening ear . Friends with benefit but not in the sexual way stop thinking wrong .

Through his help , I manage to buy Shawn a gift and he pass it to him . He told me that Shawn wanted to get a White Formal short sleeve shirt and we went to TopMan and bought one for him . Im truly truly happy , I can't ask for anything more . Even though Shawn doesn't know that the present was from me , I am really happy that he receive it and I hope he likes it . What can I ask for ? Nothing . Wanted to get him a Nike Roshe Run at first because both of us agreed on getting that together when we were together .. but its okay , I think he'll love this present better .

Shawn there's so much I want to tell you and no words can describe how much I love you , really . Thank you for spending my Birthday with me , 3 weeks ago while we were still somewhat together , I thought we could spend your birthday together but no you left me . So today , I can only silently wish for you here in my little blog , to convey my feelings to you and hoping a miracle to happen . Thank you for giving me a wonderful birthday , we went to the ZOO and you made me like Birthdays because I've always hated it since nobody celebrates it for me . Even though you said that you'll celebrate it for me every year but I know it won't happen anymore . Its okay , I hope you will enjoy your birthday and spend it well with laughter .. I really miss you so damn hard and I know maybe I don't show it anymore but you got to understand - That when I tell you I will be here waiting for you , I truly am waiting ...
Please don't say that in the end everybody leaves because no, I'm not and I won't .Its been a hell of a 3 months without you and I'm still here waiting , longing for your love . Everyday I pray that one day Lord will have mercy and let you come back to me but somehow it ain't working . Am I wrong ? What should I do ? So many questions in my brain left unanswered and I don't know how to live . Trying my best to stay high but the demons always hunt me in my head , I was wrong I was bad , and I need forgiveness so bad .
Happy Birthday Shawn , I really hope you'll get sick of your solitude life soon because I'll be here waiting , for you.

I will love you till the end of time - Lana Del Rey