Well, this is a dark dairy of mine where I pour out my feelings into every word. It's a strange blog but it's probably the best way to convey my feelings without being hurt.
I hope you don't find them too weird and with that, I wish you a fun time reading...
Saturday, June 6, 2015
1. A mark left by a healed wound, sore or burn.
2. A lasting after effect of trouble, especially a lasting psychological injury resulting from suffering a trauma.
For me I suffer both.
A big scar imprinted on my skin when a huge tragic befall me. To everyone it was a miracle I lived, to me it was a pain I carried for the coming years.
Ever since the befall I was left with a scar so big it cannot be concealed nor erased. Since young I've yearned to get rid off it but never once a success. It was an ugly monster that lived inside me and I was hateful towards it. To have a little child carrying an monstrous scar was a shame and unending torture. Will the lord ever answer my prayers and allow the scar to fade and pain to leave ? Never.
Girls who caught glimpse of it will unfailingly pop the "what happened?" Question and I hate it.
Why does it have to happen to me ? Why does it have to be me carrying this scar ? To have a pain that is horryfying and also a mental trouble. But you don't have a scar that's ugly , you don't understand how it feels like to have it and feel the shame pouring down in your soul because it hurts . I wish I never had it and all this years of shame I could finally let go and be free, to not push myself to think about medical surgery to fix a scar.
It's so painful that pain physically and mentally is an understatement.
One day I will try and gather my courage to elaborate the scar on my body, but till then I would like to keep it unsolved.