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Hey there it's Luna
Well, this is a dark dairy of mine where I pour out my feelings into every word. It's a strange blog but it's probably the best way to convey my feelings without being hurt.
I hope you don't find them too weird and with that, I wish you a fun time reading...

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Friday, August 15, 2014

killing it

I'm just going to pour out every inch deep of my thoughts and cry my heart out, so please don't judge and don't speak a word.

 A month ago , Shawn left me . A month ago I thought that I'll be better and my life will be fine without him , guess I'm wrong. A month passed and I'm still the same shit. I hate myself for killing that emotional man , causing him to walk away from me . Im so so regretful. Every night the same thought drinks my soul and I can't tell you how much I've missed him . I haven't seen his face for so long and the image turns blurry . I push myself and hid in a corner ,wearing his sweater and sniffing on his shirt. The smell , the memories , the love are all there , what's gone was the soul. I really love him deep into my bones. And what hurt the most is realizing how much i didn't meant to him, how easy I was to be forgotten , how replaceable I was.

Fear grips me thinking the fact that another girl will soon take my place and that fucking hurts. I don't want , I don't want that to ever happen but it is only a matter of time. God is probably punishing me for all my sinful act, I'll accept it . Even when his heart is no longer mine ,even when his love is for another , even if he is no longer Him , I'll stay and be here.

Dear Karma ,
I accept every slap you have blown on my face , its okay I'll bear the pain .Just tell me that everything is going to be over soon because i have no idea how much more before my soul leaves the temple.

My heart is long torn and my soul is long gone , what's left is my love for him.

I miss him and I need him .Please come back , I'll be waiting .I've lost count for the number of times i have prayed for his return , my faith is fading but I tell myself to be strong . These delusional thoughts lie to my sober mind but i still drink them in.Its hard to stay positive , its even harder for me to live.I really really want to give up.

Everytime I tell Shawn I gave up ,I didn't mean it that way. I didn't give up on Him or Us , 
I give up on myself.

So tired of living , who knew it was so hard to be human ? Lord I'm done , take my soul back as I fall into eternal slumber . Crush my bones and leave the ashes , for my regretful soul will always linger on love.

A month ago , I didn't knew a month later my mind is sunk into death. Death ain't the easy way out , its my only way to feel alive again.


  1. It might be tough now but stay strong and one day somebody will enter your life and make everything perfect, it might be tomorrow or next week or maybe next month, but if you give up now you won't be able to see it

  2. Stay strong girl :) , be patience cuz one day u will meet a gentleman that will cherish you , love you

  3. Don't choose death for just a person who doesn't put you in his heart.. I'm positive that there are many more people who needs you! Stay strong! Don't give up on hope yet! :)


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