Give you what you like.

This amazing song sang by Avril Lavigne has been stucked in my head ever since the first time I've heard it on the radios. It summarise the things I've been going through (mostly relationship) and its really crazy how it is so relatable and makes me want to kill myself.

"Please wrap your drunken arms around me

And I'll let you call me yours tonight

Cause slightly broken's just what I need

And if you give me what I want

Then I'll give you what you like

Please tell me I'm your one and only

Or lie and say at least tonight

I've got a brand new cure for lonely

And if you give me what I want

Then I'll give you what you like

When you turn off the lights

I get stars in my eyes

Is this love?

Maybe someday

So don't turn on the lights

I'll give you what you like

Emotions aren't that hard to borrow

When love's the word you never learned

And in a room of empty bottles

If you don't give me what I want

Then you'll get what you deserve

When you turn off the lights

I get stars in my eyes

Is this love?

Maybe someday

I've got this scene in my head

I'm not sure how it ends

Is it love?

Maybe one day

So don't turn on the lights

I'll give you what you like

I'll give you what you like

I'll give you one last chance to hold me

If you give me one last cigarette

By now it's only in the morning

Now that I gave you what you want

All I want is to forget

When you turn off the lights

I get stars in my eyes

Is this love?

Maybe someday

I've got this scene in my head

I'm not sure how it ends

Is it love?

Maybe one day

So don't turn on the lights

I'll give you what you like"

Avril Lavigne - Give You What You Like Lyrics.

I just lost all my direction and forgotten the way back. I came so far to only finally realize that the road I'm taking might bring me to hell. Whats wrong with me ? Why must my life be such a crumbling mess.

will post a proper blog post soon but till then , I'm just gonna soak myself in my black world.

Wildest Wolf

Alove

Lying down beside him it feels like the heaven has just fallen beside me. We talked and enjoyed each other's presence and soon slumber hit him but not me, leaving me out alone and neglected...

Its funny how we chase for the happiness we can't have , how we think that by having another loving partner we will be complete , but we don't. Despite his presence beside me , I still was crying to bed . Despite his love towards me , I still was unable to feel secure or for the matter , stable. Everyday I feel like I'm fighting a war with myself , and even though He was there on the battle with me , it did not felt anywhere less painful . 

Let me make this clear I am nowhere saying he is useless or worthless or anything of that sort . I'm just saying that despite love was presence , it did not chase my Demons away . Tired really I'm so tired , why is it so hard for me to live ? To not have so many nightmares constantly crashing in my head the whole time , and to just lead a normal happy life ? 

I don't have an answer.

Living with monsters in my mind , the dawning sky brings upon the night.

I continue to search for something I call life , to walk down the journey I'm suppose to find.

Crying to the world for the harsh odds of mine ,tracing my steps back to fit the perfect line.

Change my soul to be unfate , trade my tears for another mistake .

I've dragged my foot on earth to live another day , and felt like hell was here instead . 

With a man who loves me for good , he'll take me wherever I should . 

And be it how this love story might end , I'm just glad that Ive found love again.

Slut

Hey I'm not dead so...Hi? 

For some reason I feel like shit, actually no since when do I ever not feel like a bag full of poop ?? 

Lately I've been feeling super crappy about myself , my appearance in general. All the while I've been feeling insecure of my looks which is somewhat normal for girls right ? Like nobody's perfect and Everyone has their own flaws -bullshit.

These days when I step out of the house I feel like a complete sag crap like holy shit I look like a potato drizzled with thick gravy omg . 

I really detest how I rely on makeup products to get better looks and not feel so shitty about my face however it kills me on the inside to feel fake and "cakey". When I remove my makeup , I no longer adore looking in the mirror and admitting that the person inside is what I truly look like .

But the fact remains cold that it is, and how it forever will be.

I detest my decision of changing myself to be attractive , and the NEED to change myself.

Lastly;

I detest my thinking of thinking I am not good enough , when the question remains in my mind this whole time lingering for an answer.

Does anyone find this relatable ? Coz honestly I can't even tell you guys how many time I think about Cosmetic Surgery to construct an entire new face for my slut self . Like literally I feel like a slut trying to improve myself but hating on the fact that I need "improvement" to look better and not the finest beauty we were born with . God it's fucking 5:03am why am I typing this shit down ?

Why can't I choose my appearance ? Why does it have to be me that looks at other pretty girls and hoping for their features . Why is it me saying "I wish I had your eyes" or "I wished my legs were that skinny" you know the struggles?

Well...fuck it.