Slut

Hey I'm not dead so...Hi? 

For some reason I feel like shit, actually no since when do I ever not feel like a bag full of poop ?? 

Lately I've been feeling super crappy about myself , my appearance in general. All the while I've been feeling insecure of my looks which is somewhat normal for girls right ? Like nobody's perfect and Everyone has their own flaws -bullshit.

These days when I step out of the house I feel like a complete sag crap like holy shit I look like a potato drizzled with thick gravy omg . 

I really detest how I rely on makeup products to get better looks and not feel so shitty about my face however it kills me on the inside to feel fake and "cakey". When I remove my makeup , I no longer adore looking in the mirror and admitting that the person inside is what I truly look like .

But the fact remains cold that it is, and how it forever will be.

I detest my decision of changing myself to be attractive , and the NEED to change myself.

Lastly;

I detest my thinking of thinking I am not good enough , when the question remains in my mind this whole time lingering for an answer.

Does anyone find this relatable ? Coz honestly I can't even tell you guys how many time I think about Cosmetic Surgery to construct an entire new face for my slut self . Like literally I feel like a slut trying to improve myself but hating on the fact that I need "improvement" to look better and not the finest beauty we were born with . God it's fucking 5:03am why am I typing this shit down ?

Why can't I choose my appearance ? Why does it have to be me that looks at other pretty girls and hoping for their features . Why is it me saying "I wish I had your eyes" or "I wished my legs were that skinny" you know the struggles?

Well...fuck it.