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Hey dearest 

It's been such a hectic week and I'm finally able to say "O level is over " yay 

I know everyone will definitely be happy and celebrating for the end of O levels but for some reasons , it bites fear into and I'm a little afraid and lost .

Yeah sure the long hours of studying and all the stress is gone , but I find myself to lost my goal again . What should I do now ? What should I work hard for ? I have no idea .. 

   I hope I'm not the only one to feel this way   

Right now in my hands I have 2 jobs on hold , and it satisfy me to work and to be occupied . 

And ...

Last week , Shawn texted me . Nothing much just a couple of lines but it really hit me . I ended the conversation and I was proud of myself . Yeah zi you can do it , put that part of you away , you don't need it . Part of me wanted to cry , and my heart's telling me to die . I'm just so confused . I'm back guys , back to the old lonely days where pain hovers around me and my soul grasping for air . I'm back and I have nothing to be afraid . I told myself I don't have Love in my heart no more so I shouldn't be shaken - Not by anyone or anything . The wolf can slip into the night and have the wildest dreams but at the end of the day , it is pain that accompanies it to slumber . You know it's hard but you got to do it , just like how it's hard to bid farewell to the day and look forward to tomorrow . 

Wild for the night , wakes up the devil 

He told me to love and flashes memory in my cradle 

I held up the bottle with shaken fear 

Drank a couple shots with poisoned tears

I'm afraid please end this pain 

I want to die , I have nothing against 

Crawling away from the sickest love 

And fall to slumber in hell above 

Attempted a poem to summarise my life  

If you get it I wouldn't be surprise 

But when all else fails just remember what I've said 

I'm back and I have nothing to be afraid .