Day by day

Trying to forget him day by day seems impossible because my mind kept lurking back to him. Loosing so much interest in school because everyday is the same and I just don't have anything to look forward to. I can't help but grab on that lil glimpse of hope that one day maybe , just maybe , he will be standing right there at his usual spot with his A jays plugged in ,and be there waiting for me... I know its impossible but let me lie foolishly to myself okay?
Because its painful and I have to bear with it . I really want him back and I really wish we could be just like before and be happy again but no , I can't. I can't be selfish and continue hurting him anymore because the pain I had give him before had destroyed him completely. Im tired , I'm tired of lying but what else can I do ? I want to love him but I don't want to hurt him . I'm just a friend really , a friend. This shit hurts me everyday and I have no idea when will all these pain ever be over . Every night is the same hope , same prayer , and I tell myself everything is in God's hand . If it meant to be it will be…
Days get darker and oddly it makes me feel safer . I like this darkness, it let's me hide my pain and be dark . And I realised everytime its dark he'll feel down and sad for his own problems. I want to be there and talk to him and shower him with care but I told myself not to , he doesn't need me , he have others..
May the light never shine on me again and let me sleep peacefully in my darkness