Dear future self,

Dear future self,

10 years down the road, I wish this little blog will be happier...

I wish you will come back and look at the crazy things that had happened in your life, which has made you successful today (maybe)

I wish that you were able to drift soundly to sleep without occurring nightmares in your head.

I wish the people that are with you now are the ones who said they will stand by you, 10 years ago.

I wish that you would forget every single mistake you made in life and stop blaming yourself.

I wish that no matter how much you regret, you can only continue to move forward in life and let it go.

I wish you would remember that mistake is inevitable but learning from it is exceptional.

I wish your eyes are no longer looking at the ugly corners of this world.

I wish that your inner demons left you.

I wish that people will truly understand that even if your blog is sad, you aren't necessary unhappy with yourself but simply the truth of being 2 soul in a vessel

Sometimes people come up to me, or even email me about how sad my blogpost are and how they wished they can be here for me ..

But honestly,

I didn't need anyone.

The very reason why I started blogging was because I am afraid of voicing out my thoughts.
I portray a happy self in this world but deep down I am a complete different soul.
Don't get me wrong though, Its fine. I just detest showing my vulnerable self to others thats all.
When people offer me to open up to them, I simply reject because I am afraid that they will judge me on my thoughts.
To me the best medication for my escape is writing and this little place here is my secret hideout.

Dear future self,

I wish that you are a truly happy person.

Wildest Wolf

Broke down

Day 6 of holding up my tears.

Heard a sad song , and my mind went blank. 

"早知道是这样 像梦一场 

我又何必把泪都锁在自己的眼眶"

-If only I knew that we would end up this way ; just like a dream.

I would not have lock my tears in my eyes- 

Trembling hearts and burning tears.

Are far worse than the demons I fear.

Wildest wolf 

Emblem

"I love you"

"I'll never hurt you"

"I'll never leave you"

"I'm fine..."

Silly lies that falls from our tongue,
just like flowers dying season.
To commit such sins,
because you couldn't come out with a reason.

I'm tired, tormented, soul burning to ash.
Not a single glimpse of life, just hoping for death.

Its not my fault that I'm not happy,
just happiness isn't knocking my door.
Putting on my best self,
slowly awaiting for devil's call.

So darling tell me
what are the dearest thing in your life?
And I will crush them to bones
just to see you cry.

I'm sorry Lucius,
that ain't happening tonight.
Nor the coming dawns,
because I simply can't live through daylight.

Is that the sun?
Or just another burning flame.
How long have I not seen hope,
before I take over the blame.

Now I have a question for you,
how does it feel?
To read a sinner's life,
because it ain't happening to you.

I'm tired of writing,
I'm sick of this mess.
It's like the words crying harder,
In a sinner's dent.

Why does happiness end?
As if it was a chapter.
I would burn this book now,
and stay here forever.

Soon this book you're reading will end,
I can't keep up.
I don't want to hurt myself,
or even corrupt.

Yet another day has passed,
thank God for the livings.
But for a little girl,
its just another heavy breathing.

Goodbye Lucius,
goodnight clouds.
Sweet dreams little one,
The Wolf is on her prowl.


Wildest wolf.